WILL I GRADUATE?
Three years ago, I was given the ‘best’ advice by a friend who was then a third year in the school of education. He oriented me in the modern campus ways such as being an electrician and cooking ugali which was supposed to prepare me to being a good future wife especially if I was to be married by a Maragoli like him. But I really didn’t care about the cooking skills despite knowing I was a pathetic cook since I had been in boarding school from class six and thus never engaged in much cooking. I knew I had a full four years to mould me into being the best chef. But there is one piece of advice that I wouldn’t fail to take heed of. ‘If you want to come out of this campus being successful, you must graduate with two degrees. Your BA in LMC plus a husband’. He said it with said it with an intensity that I couldn’t help but give all ears to my campus daddy. And I knew he only wished nothing but the very best for his daughter.
My high school teacher had always insisted that we would only get our Mr. Right in campus. ‘’He must have been very right. My time has come” I thought naively. But didn’t I still have four good years to search for my prince charming? It was such long a period. I consoled myself. This was not until June, 2015 when it dawned unto me that I was a fourth year but still single! And I began trying to trace where I missed my marks. Did I do all my CATs and assignments? Something must have been amiss. The graduation isn’t so far, yet I can’t trace what happened to my marks and it really pained to look back and remember how much I had been hurt while trying to be successful in my second self-oriented degree. Should I defer and maybe opt to undertake my degree some other time? Maybe after completing my BA degree? But that would mean am I failure and I have never dreamt of being one. No one loves failures anyway.
I have been branded names such as money minded and gold digger for just being honest by saying that I can’t date a campus guy. But wait a minute, before you call me names, I will tell you why I say so. Some will say campus dudes are stingy while others will call them broke or even irresponsible but I have a version of my own. Would you date a guy who entirely depends on his ksh 30,000 helb loan which can only pay his fees and I am expected to be a LADY and cater for all his other needs? I know you can’t. And you might still not believe I did it for my githeremende(our pet name) for the sake of the LOVE I had for him. In short, his money was his, and mine ours. I was blind and I know it.
Every lady wants to be treated as a princess during her birthday and Valentine day by her guy even if it’s in the most simple manner like cutting a rose flower from the fence and handing it over to her. She would still appreciate and feel cherished. But what of the likes of my githeremende who would always ask, “baibe leo una mpango gani?” yet it’s my birthday. Which right minded guy asks such a question to her fiancée in this 21st century? But love is blind they say. I would quickly make arrangement for candle lit dinners or take him out for pilau at Hijaz be it my birthday or his out of the fear of losing my prince charming. I paid for his debts, fare and the many bills for the many days and nights we spent at expensive hotels in Uasin Gishu.
“Asante ya punda ni mateke” is what the Swahili people would tell you. After my githeremende graduated with a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering, I knew he would get a good job and I would be part of his budget at the end of every month. This was not until he landed into one of the biggest NGOS in Kenya offering him a six digits salary. Our future was bright. I thought to myself. No calls, no messages, mails or even whatsApp yet I would see him online. I called, no answers, I texted to replies. And I knew for sure, I held no place in his heart anymore. He had booted me in the worst possible way. Do you still think I am a gold-digger? Do you still believe that there are no men who are gold diggers? Spare your opinions for a later comment.
My mum has always warned, “Don’t do two things at ago Sonie” I could now understand why my relationships were failing. But give me a break mama, I need two degree by the end of this year for me to be labeled successful. I can’t stand to be a failure. Let mama’s advice remain at home. It could probably be of help to my younger sisters who are in secondary school but not to a 20+ modern lady.
After my ex-githeremende dissed me, I decided to be celibate for the whole of my second year to nurse my wound and probably get into another relationship in my third year. By third year, I would possibly get a husband material who would be ready to settle down into a serious and committed relationship. I was all wrong.
He was the guy of my dreams in all his physical attributes. This tall, dark and handsome Luo man from Siaya, with a well built up masculinity was all I needed. The biceps, his pair of six pack, gap between his upper incisors plus the smile that every lady would die for got me screaming out his name whenever and wherever we met. Otii, MY MAN. Ours was love by first sight and I was convinced that forever it would last.
It had just begun as a crush after I sat next to him on a Sunday fellowship at LH1. After we held hands to share the words of grace at the end of the sermon, he couldn’t let my hand go. Only heavens know how nice I felt. If he could only hold my hand forever, I would be the happiest girl in the universe. Since then, we had exchanged our contacts and began the many visits to the water fall and Kesses dam. The crush had bore the sweetest thing ever; LOVE.
After dating for a whole semester, time for ‘introduction’ had come and we journeyed all the way to Siaya to meet my in-laws to be. Right from the reception to the plastic smiles I received, I needed not be told that I was unwanted. This was despite laboring to wake up at 5 am and sleeping last at 11 pm just to ensure that everything was in order just like a good wife would do. Unfortunately my efforts went un- noticed. But that really didn’t matter since My Otii had assured me that even if his family would not approve me, we would still remain to be. We had promised each other to live as if only the two of us existed in the entire world without minded what other people thought about our compatibility.
Even in my singlehood, I still feel that Otii is the best man that ever came to my life (apart from my brother of course). The countless treats and evening outs and all sorts of presents he gave me made me feel like a lady unlike when I dated my ex-githeremende and I had to play both roles of being a lady and a gentleman simultaneously. He was indeed a Luo man and you didn’t have to be told he was one. However, this could not last beyond the recent “ Nyerification” incidences.
Apparently, Otii feared for his transformer and he couldn’t stand the humiliation of being battered by a woman. He claimed that he had tried his best to believe that “nyerification” was just a stereotype but now he had proved it’s not one and it ran in the blood of all ladies from Nyeri. He further added that his staunch and typical Luo traditionalist parents had always warned him against marrying a Kikuyu lady lest he would be a victim of “kosi” and “chira”.
Not even my tears would change his mind, he was already decided. So callous he appeared to be such that I felt like he was a complete stranger to me. He was no longer my sweet Otii who used to be so empathetic and loving. After two weeks of my begging for us to rekindle our love, he handed his phone over to a female and all I had was, “wewe nya okuyu achana na Otii kama hutaki sida” with a heavy Luo accent. And I knew all was over. I never bothered to know who the lady was but I would love to assume that it was his mother.
I gathered my courage after many days of mourning indoors, picked up my dignity and all the pieces of my heart that were scattered all over with dirt, stitched them and though they are still under medication, they are healing.
My only worries are, I only got six months in the university. Will I graduate? With at least a pass in a bachelors degree in a relationship if not engagement? Will I be labeled a failure? Should I consider deferring from my second degree to some other time to avoid being branded a failure? Am I doomed to singlehood forever? Or, am I just a rare and unique species?
By Anne Wangechi.